That’s not new news. But it’s been a while.
To be honest, it’s an emotion I’d lost.
Dread. Anxiousness. Nervousness. Joy. Anticipation.
These had become my friends.
But tears? I’d forgotten how.
The uncertainty is not it.
The fear of having missed the window.
The concern over whether something different could be done.
These aren’t the problem. So what is?
If the world would just stop.
Stop, so I can catch my breath.
Stop, so I can breathe.
Stop, so I can adjust to the thoughts of the new.
But it doesn’t. It cant. We must keep moving.
Forever forward. Forever onward. Forever… something.
And is it this? I don’t know.
Change is hard.
When you know that things will not be the same.
When the faces move. When the normal is disrupted.
These things matter too.
But in all of it, what’s hardest is feeling alone.
Not knowing who or what or where can the load be shared.
Who will listen and love, and who will silently judge.
Not knowing to whom or where to turn.
But I cried.
I’d forgotten how to do that.