We are not ok… and that’s ok

This week has reminded me that many of us are not OK.

Even if we ourselves aren’t affected, many of us are grieving for those around us; what we have lost, and what we expect to lose. We’re hurting for those around us who have lost their jobs, their livelihoods, and their futures. We’re tired, and worn, and run down.

We’re grieving for the plans we made that now are forfeit. We’re grieving the moments lost. The small snippets of our days that we can no longer enjoy. The basic freedoms we took for granted that we never thought we’d lose.

Some of us are afraid for us, our families and our friends; and recognise both the rationality and irrationality of it. We’re angry, we’re sad, we’re hurting and we’re worn.

We’re thankful for where we are, but not sure how we will find the energy for where we have to go. Whether that be go tomorrow, next week, or next month or longer.

I’ve found myself saying the words “it’s just for a time” more often than not over the last few days. I’ve found myself pointing that there will be an end; and at the same time doubting that it will come; or that it will come soon enough. The grief of this uncertainty, even in my optimism, is hard.

In my conversation with another parent from school tonight, reflecting on the impact of COVID, we mused together that our shared hope is not for the things of this life; and that this year, or next, is just a drop in eternity. And then my sister reminds me tonight, once again, that even in the pain, even in the hurt, even when things are looking sad and hard, are blessings as we learn to persevere, and trust.

And yet, even despite this hope, and how much it moves me to tears tonight; I still grieve over what we have lost and what we are losing. I grieve over the impact that this is having day to day on my friends and my family. I grieve over the uncertainty of the future.

And for now, that is ok. And it’s ok for you to grieve too. It’s ok for you to feel like the world is an uncertain mess. It’s not wrong to feel these things. And it’s OK to share our fear.

And yes, some people may stamp on your concerns. They may belittle your fears, even accidentally. They may shut you down, and leave you with nothing but a sense of guilt for even attempting to be open.

But there are others of us that are grieving with you; and we will share your tears, even as we shed our own.

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